there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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