i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
