his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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