so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
