went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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