What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.