I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.