it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.