areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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