I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
