There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
