the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's shark week go big or go home
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
