after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
