Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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