I just cut my nipple shaving
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
