I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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