I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
