How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
