After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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