HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize