I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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