RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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