Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I did not marry a roomba.
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