he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's paint friendship bongs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
