If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
