I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
