I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
