he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
