i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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