Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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