Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
