I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
