I accidentally had phone sex last night
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
