yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
