You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
