his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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