oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
