First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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