I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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