i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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