its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
