I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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