so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
