your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
