Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
