Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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