I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
