Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
