he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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