why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
