Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
