I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
