I think I died a long time ago.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
