I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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