I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
