Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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