One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
