I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
