I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
