I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
