why do cheetos always look like penises
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".