if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.