wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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