Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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(713): View more from Texas

I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(781): View more from Massachusetts

What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?

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(325): View more from Texas

You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...

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(812): View more from Indiana

I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.

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(616): View more from Michigan

The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.

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(315): View more from New York

I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes

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