Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life