I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms