I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....