I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.