There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey