This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
