DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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